In Death We Part
by Suffering Angel
Summary: The resault of Trowa's game. third part of an angsty line of one shots I'm writing. 3x4x3, angst. enjoy.


I don't own GW.

A/N: ok, there was one angst from Tro, one from Q. now again from Q, as result of Tro pulling the trigger. Enjoy! And look for another one, an equal, from Tro's pov. K? k.

And, er… excessive usage of angst.

**_ In Death We Part_**

**__**

I'm standing here. Leaning against the crying willow tree. How metaphoric. That's all I feel like doing – cry…

You always said black looked bad on me, Tro. Remember? Sure, it's a contrast to my hair and eyes. But I wonder what my eyes must reflect now that is amplified by the color.

Will they show my pain? God, it's like my heart's been ripped out and been tap danced on by someone in golf shoes. All that's left is this hole, this, this bleeding chasm in my chest that will never be filled.

Do my eyes show the sadness I'm feeling? One only experiences when losing the one he loved the most.

Do they show my anger? I don't know who I'm angry at. I'm mad at Duo, Wufei and Heero for not stopping you. I'm mad at you, Trowa, for not waiting. Just a bit longer, and I'd have… but most of all, I'm mad at myself. That's obviously showing.

My guilt. If only I'd have stayed… if only I'd have went somewhere closer… if only I'd have came back sooner… if only… if only…

And it all intensifies tenfold. It hurts more than I ever dreaded it to. I love you, Trowa. Eternally. Forever and a day, we said. Well, your forever ended a day too soon… And it hurts so much it feels like the only way I'll ever be happy again would be to drop dead right here and now.

The funeral was beautiful. Sure, it's only us, but still. Cathy's here too, Trowa. Doing what I've yet to allow myself. She's crying her eyes out. The poor girl. How could you do it to her, Trowa? How could you do it to me… I mean, the girl has already lost you once… now she… _we_… lost you for good.

She took your note horribly, by the way. She fainted. What did you think, that a few words will help her cope? Help any of us cope? You said it wasn't our fault. Well, damn it then, whose fault is it?!

The others came, too. Heero's his usual silent self. I think he's trying to deal with the shock. None of us were really supposed to die, you know… and he's blaming himself.

Wufei's spacing out occasionally, but when he's here, he's trying to help me. Not that I don't appreciate it, but what can he really do for me? He's blaming himself too, you know.

Duo's having a bitching fit right now. He says that as the God of Death, he should've stopped you. That this wasn't supposed to happen to someone so close to him. You should be flattered.

I think they're just trying to take some of the blame. How could they? It's so painfully obvious it's my fault. All my fault… It's my fault you're not here, Trowa.

Cathy said she knows what I'm going through. How could she? How could any of them?! How can they even begin to understand? The closest is Catherine, but she's still your sister. Will she understand when I tell her I'll never hear your voice again? Never see your smile, that special smile saved only for me? Will she understand when I tell her I'll never touch you again? Never wake up to watch you sleep? Never hold you again?

How can she understand how cold I'll be from now on? How could she, or any of them, possibly understand this ice that had replaced my heart? Can she understand what it means to live without your kiss? Without your love… without… you?

And it's all because I was too late. I came back for you, Trowa. I came back _to_ you. But you… pulled the trigger. I shouted your name; I held you, begged you to stay… and you… you said goodbye. I kissed your forehead, and you managed to say goodbye. I heard it. But you… God didn't let you hear it back. And now you never will.

As I will never forget the memory of you dying in my arms. Never, Trowa. Ever.

Now all I want is one chance. One last chance to say goodbye. Is that too much to ask for?

Everyone's gone now. I guess it was too much for Duo. Heero escorted him away. I could still hear him sob. Wufei took Cathy home. Too bad he's not that nice usually, eh? But if it takes someone's death to get him to open up, then… then I wish he'll be the greatest bastard ever. I mean it.

So now I'm alone, physically as well as emotionally. I try to touch the rose in my hand and feel your skin, try to imagine its scent to be yours, but the illusion is false. For I know that if I get hurt by its thorns, you won't be there to kiss it all better. But that's all I really want… all I _ever_… needed… And I can feel the dam beginning to break.

"Why, Trowa? Why couldn't you have waited for me?"

I want to die. Just… die. Anything to be with you again. Anything…

The clouds are beginning to gather as I place the rose at the foot of your tombstone and run my fingers across the carved words.

_Trowa Barton – Best Friend and Beloved Soulmate. May he find his place among the Angels._

I meant it, and I still do. Every single word of it.

I look above to face the sun disappearing behind the clouds, uttering a single prayer for lightning. Anything to be with you for another instant, love. Anything.

And suddenly I feel the warmth return against my lips, and a gentle touch against my cheek sends my heart soaring. Is it really you, Trowa? Or have I finally gone to heaven?

"I'm sorry, Quatre. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Forever and a day, love."

Forever and a day…

But just as quickly as it returned to me, the warmth is gone just as the rain starts. I'm shaking. I'm crying, and I'm shaking, and I'm cold. And lonely. And miserable. Because, I know now that we'll never again see each other. But I promise you. I'll dream of you, each and every night, love. Forever and a Day.


End file.
